Rare Books & Fishing Tackle

Need

I've been going through our things these past weeks, trying to pack and prepare us to move into our new home.

A lot of thoughts have gone through my head as I sorted things, mostly about need and want.

I want a quiet house. I want a new mattress (the one we bought a year ago has a foot-wide/long hole in it that sinks to the bottom of the mattress. Thank goodness it's under warranty! I'll have a new one in 2 weeks). I want quiet neighbors. I want new jeans. I want more time to meditate. I want a peaceful soul. I want more books. I don't want to pack, I don't want to wait anymore. I want to find a grenade launcher and completely murder that car outside my window. I want to go back to Thailand. I want a cup of tea right now...

It's after these moments I have quiet thoughts of need.

I need. I need... I need...

Nothing.

It dawns on me.

I don't need anything. I already have everything.

resolutions, schmezerlutions...

I don't believe in New Years' Resolutions.

{ probably because I never keep them. we won't talk about that }

But, I also understand that we can't move forward and become the people we want to be without setting some type of goal.

I just don't believe in struggle. I don't like it. I don't believe it's necessary. And resolutions for me have always been a struggle.

Every little while, though, I come up with a list of things I want to accomplish. I don't give myself a time limit, because I don't like deadlines. I like being able to move at the pace I think I should be going at, and that things come in their own time, when I'm ready.

{ Which is probably why I don't run or do marathons or anything like that... I think a person should only run if they're being chased. That, and I'm just that lazy }

A few months ago, I came up with a new list:

Write to a stranger
Create an immediate universe of Zen
Mail strangers mix CDs I've made
Read a book a month
Volunteer once a month
Work out five times a week
Drink more water
Meditate
Love specific things about myself

I had forgotten about the list (that's how I roll) until yesterday. I was really pleased that I could say I've accomplished some of those tasks already. Maybe resolutions aren't so bad, after all...

Anyone else got a list going? Want to share?

Change the World.

It doesn't take much. All you have to do is show up.

Saving a life couldn't be easier. Or make you feel so good.
We are all of us connected--it's time to show it.

Contentment

Last night, I told Mr. Hercules that I really want to go back to Thailand.

"I'm sorry," he said. He was referring to the fact that we are in the middle of buying a home, and will be completely broke for the next few months, and unable to travel--abroad or otherwise--for awhile.

"Don't be sorry!" I said. "Just because we can't go now doesn't mean that we'll never go back. We'll be back in a few years," I grinned. I was content with my memories.

It doesn't matter that we awoke within us the longing to travel while we were there. It doesn't matter that we won't be able to again for awhile. We are content with remembering the little family-owned cafe off the main street in Hua Hin where we had the best onion rings I've ever had in my life. We're content with watching video we took of the absolutely insane and amazing maneuvers of the tuk-tuk drivers down the streets of Chinatown in Bangkok. We are content with remembering how it felt to lay on the beach underneath a warm sun, trying to catch hermit crabs on Coral Island.

Today I read a post called "Contentment in Five Short Stories" by Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Non-Conformity. At the end of his post, he said:

"I know that contentment is more of an internal state of being rather than something that is
derived through external circumstances. Yet, I am human and therefore influenced by my surroundings.

Could I have this feeling anywhere? Yes. But I also don't mind going to Thailand or Toronto to find it."

I've had several people tell me since we've come back from our trip to "get over" wanting to go back, because we've seen it before. John Burroughs said, "To learn something new, take the path that you took yesterday." So we want to go back.

We found contentment in Thailand, because we found contentment in ourselves. We had it before, but what we brought home was more focused, and helps us to find contentment eating a bowl of ice cream watching a Netflix movie, knowing that we won't be traveling again for awhile, but that's ok. We discovered ourselves again in Thailand, and are content with that.

What brings you contentment?

{ As a side note, I find contentment in this being my 300th blog post.

Thanks for sharing it with me. }

A Peaceful Soul

There are several things I have been searching for over the past few years.

{ bliss }

{ calm }

{ beauty}

and, something else I haven't talked a lot about to many people except for Tyson--

{ Zen }

In Thailand, I discovered that I have a peaceful soul.

It's been hanging on to it since we got back that I've struggled with.

There's a meditation I've been doing every day--

I am a peaceful soul

My mind is filled with peace

I radiate peace to the world

I feel the gentle waves of peace flowing across my mind

As these peaceful thoughts emerge in my mind I feel the stillness and silence envelopes my mind

I am a peaceful soul...

Today I did not have a peaceful soul. Work was difficult; I had to deal with some very rude people, and it was beginning to wear on me.

At lunch, Ty teased me with "Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?" (Oddball, from "Kelly's Heroes")

We tease each other with that quote all the time, telling each other to have more "positive waves."

When he told me to say something more "positive and hopeful," I said, "I am a peaceful soul?"

He laughed at me a little and said, "Honey, I love you, but you don't have a peaceful soul today." He made me laugh and cheered me up a little bit before we headed out the door to go back to work. He kissed me goodbye and I told him, "I'm a happy Earth Child." He looked down at me, smiled, and said "Then be one."

I thought back today about Thailand, and what made my soul peaceful over there. Tried to understand what it was so that I could bring it home and have a peaceful soul here.

There are a lot of answers to that question. But the one that came to mind most clearly was that in Thailand, I let myself BE. I just was. It was simple. It was a stream flowing in the direction it was meant to, not worrying about how it was getting there, or about the rocks underneath, or whatever was on the shore. It was happy to be the river, and reflect the sunlight off the water.

I will find that again. I will be that again.

I am a peaceful soul. I am a peaceful soul. My mind is filled with peace.

the sick room

Today, I missed the jungles of Thailand. I missed the warm water, the food (oh my heaven, the food....), the smells.

Most importantly, I missed the humid air.

My little Vick's humidifier just isn't cutting it.
The only thing that comes close is when I'm in the 95 degree, 100% humidity bathroom.

I think it's time to go back to Hua Hin.

{ the sick room }

We've spent the last week sick, and today I am home by myself, trying not to be bored.

I've been spending my time watching Netflix movies, trying to guess where our next trip will be,

deciding what color to paint our new kitchen

{ we bought a house! }

cuddling in the new blanket my wonderful husband bought me

drinking tons of tea

and cuddling with Mr. Bacon.

Hopefully we'll feel better soon, because I am really tired of being sick.

February

This has been a full month.

A month full of clear moments.

A month of racing and feeling overwhelmed and losing focus.

And then, clarity.

blissful things

It's been awhile since I did a round of blissful things. I think it's time to do it again, do you? I'll wait while you grab your tea and put on some warm socks (because truly, what is more blissful than something warm to drink and something warm on your feet?)

{ Speaking of things on your feet... }

You know that quote from the commercial, "shoe love is true love".

It is. Trust me on this.

Thick, heavy throws. What could be more lovely?

Homemade bread with dry-rub

You have absolutely NO idea how amazing this is....

Sushi.

{ love }

There, I feel better now. How about you?

winter

I struggle in the winter. In the high desert, where I live, it will snow once or twice, leaving us dumped with snow, and then be sunshine and freezing temperatures for months.

I struggle in the winter.

Mr. Hercules knows this. He's always very kind and loving, and tries to make it as easy on me as possible.

And then, he goes and leaves something like this on my desk at work and sneaks away while I'm in the back of the office and didn't even hear him come in...