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 The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;


 Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away...

{ Willaim Wordsworth }

Light Bearers

You heard me say a bit ago that I've thinking a lot about the quote { become who you are }.

Along those same lines, I have been asking myself, what was I born to do?

I know what I like; I know a few things that I'm good at. I'm not confident that those are things that I was "born to do" though (unless you can become a professional accidental plant killer...)

I met a woman once who called me a "light bearer." The first thing that came to mind when she said that was, "Well that's intimidating..."



What was I supposed to do with that? "Hi, I'm Chantile. Welcome to Blah Blah Company, I'll be your light bearer today!"

I remembered what she said, kept it in the back of my head, and tried not to let it intimidate me.

But it's stuck.

I have the most amazing parents. All you others who think your parents are great? Nope, sorry, you haven't met mine. Sometimes my dad is like a very wise fortune cookie, and I'm sure he thinks that a lot of the things he says probably glide in one ear and out the other, but they actually stick. Same with my mom. My mother gave me the biggest compliment I've ever received, ever, and she probably doesn't even remember doing it, because that's just the way she is. Once, during a sad moment in my life (which I can't remember what it was now), my dad very sweetly told me that I was blessed with seeing the world differently. { I've liked to think of it as having "soft eyes." } He told me that I needed to share the beauty that I saw around me.

I never forgot that. I haven't done a very good job of it, but lately I've been trying very hard to refocus, share beauty, be a light bearer.

I started a painting for myself a few weeks ago (of course it said "become who you are"), and enjoyed the colors so much, I started a series of paintings for some special people I think could use one.

The first painting I gave away as a birthday present to a sweet friend who needed a small reminder.


I have another one, similar, started for another sweet friend. Maybe one will show up in your mailbox someday; you never know! I like to be sneaky that way. Plus I still owe a few of you presents... { don't think that I've forgotten you; moving 4 times in the last year has taken its toll! They will be mailed out! }

Something I've thought, though, is how all of us are light bearers. We all have that spark inside of us. Mine isn't very bright some days; it's practically a glimmer half of the time. But we've all got it; even if all we do in the day is smile at someone, the ripple effect that will have is astounding.

Over at Operation NICE there are some great little cards you can print and hand out. She's made a batch before, and I carry those in my wallet (I'm trying to become brave enough to hand them out!), and I can't wait to get brave enough to hand out these cuties, too! Grab 'em and print 'em--they're free! :)


Be someone's light bearer for the day. You never know the affect you'll have.

Why today will be ok

Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. … If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.
- Herman Melville, Moby Dick

Today has been one of those Moby Dick days. Yesterday was, too. It would be the perfect day to stay home, away from the general public; sit in a warm bed with a cup of jasmine tea, listening to some quiet music, wishing it would rain.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to get to do that until Saturday. It's been a long morning, and it's going to be a longer week.

The only thing getting me through this ennui?



{ him. }

 He can stand to be around me even on days I don't like myself that much. He brings me cups of jasmine tea (even buys the tea for me when he goes to the store). He always lets me take long baths. He puts up with my Oblivion obsession. He always wants to cuddle. He never tells me the ending of a book, even when I beg him. He encourages me to do the things I love, like photography, painting, drawing, reiki, yoga, cooking, playing the guitar, and never teases me. 


He tells me he loves me at least 30 times a day. He eats anything I cook and never complains. He picks up after himself. He buys me BBQ when he can tell I don't want to cook. He makes plans with me (Thailand, here we come!! Well, in October...). He makes me feel beautiful, even when I've torn every piece of clothing out of the closet and can't find a thing to wear (don't look at the bedroom today...). 


He always makes me feel special. He lets me watch "Lost" and only makes fun of it on the commercials. He can always make me laugh. He never makes me feel bad when I cry. He's always there when I wake up in the morning, and when I fall asleep at night (unless it's the random Saturday night the guys are playing Bad Company and I fall asleep before they're done lol).

I know I'll never have to feel like I'm doing anything by myself; I know he'll always be there, even when I feel grumpy at the world for no apparent reason.  I love this man. More than he'll ever know. I may not be able to get to the sea, but he'll always be there waiting for me when I get home, and that is all I'll ever need.

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