Is it absolutely necessary for me to be here today? My brain has already checked out, and I'm not really in the mood to do anything involving work or talking to people even, really. I want to go back to bed with a book, a cup of tea, and my sketchbook. And maybe Elizabethtown.

I could even sit in bed with our Nintendo DS and play Chrono Trigger all day... I'd be a happy girl. But being here? Right now? Today?... *sigh*

I get a massage in 2 hours. Maybe I can hold out that long...

I lost my sketching pencils some time ago, and have searched desperately for them ever since. I couldn't even remember the last place I used them. I tore Tyson's apartment apart, as well as mine (although I spend more time at his than mine, so it would be logical that they were over there), and thought that they were lost forever. It may seem like a silly thing, but some of these I have had since high school (9 years ago... wow.), and to lose them completely would break my heart.  While I was at Mom and Dad's the other night, I was saying goodbye to Dad when I turned around and saw my bag of pencils on one of the chairs in the dining room. I almost burst into tears when I saw it! I ran and kissed Dad on the cheek, wondering where he found them (in the car, left there on accident I'm sure as we drove back from Vegas from Joe and Libby's wedding). I was so happy to have my graphite friends back I nearly cried.

Lately I have been aching to draw, and having my pencils gone only made it worse. I would read Ann's blog and see pictures of her sweet children, and want to draw their precious faces. I've listened to this song by Peter Bradley Adams over and over, pulling comfort from his voice and the words, and also seeing exactly how I would paint it in my mind (maybe after the wedding?...).

When the rain set in we had nowhere left to go
so we just stayed in bed while the thunder rolled
there's a comfort in the rain, one that lovers only know
so we lay hand in hand while the water rose ...

Every season will turn til the world is upside down
rivers overflow then go underground
but in the eye of the storm, in the safety of this house
we lay hand in hand while the world turns wrong.

So keep us and keep us, keep us from the storm.

There's a lesson in the rain that change will always come
let us ride this wave and then greet the sun
and though the ground may shake and we’ll think
we’ve had enough
we must raise our flags for the ones we love.

So keep us and keep us, keep us from the storm.
Keep us and keep us and keep us from the storm.

I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning.

This is nothing new to an insomniac, except that I am a recovering insomniac, and don't have nights like that much anymore.

It's interesting how disturbed sleep can throw off our days. I've been feeling really stressed the past week, feeling the crunch of time as the wedding comes closer. I don't want you to think I'm complaining about that--I'm thrilled that I only have 15 days until I'm married!--because what I'm feeling stressed about is getting all of my things moved from my apartment to Ty's apartment. I have, shall we say, and abundance of clothes. And shoes. And books.  And not much room to put it all in!

In the middle of my far-too-early-for-all-but-psychos ennui this morning, I was trying to catalogue everything in my mind and figure out where I would put it at Ty's. (No, in case you are wondering, this doesn't help you get back to sleep!)

I got up and took a shower, hoping the water would relax me as only water, crying, and Tyson can. No such luck, but I did smell like grapefruit soap (how can that not make you happy?). I went back to bed, thinking about my lovely night before. Rachael threw me an amazing bridal shower, and some of my most favorite people were there. I had such a great time!

I think what stood out to me most about the night is that people genuinly cared about me and I felt like they wanted to be there. It was an overwhelming, beautiful feeling, and I'm so grateful for all of you!  I've felt a great sadness lately. My line of work can be very rewarding, but quite depressing as well, especially right now, where 90% of my day I spend with optimism plastered over my smile, trying to tell people that it will get better soon, "maybe tomorrow" I will have a job for you. I have fifteen people fighting over the same two-day job. It can bring even this free-spirit happy hippie earth child down pretty quickly. So seeing everyone there last night, happy and laughing and sharing in friendships did this little heart of mine a world of good!

And in case Ty wasn't scared enough about my earth-childness, this is what our baby will look like (no, I'm not pregnant, unless it was another immaculate conception)--thanks Libby! :) (By the way, I SWORE I would never do this... lol Oh well!)

And here is one that is more normal-esque :)

This week has definitely been more stressful than I thought it would be, heading into it. My grandmother died this week. I knew when I saw her at my brother's wedding in February, it would be the last time I saw her alive. I just wasn't expecting it this soon. 

Because of the weather, and not being able to leave earlier because of work, Ty and I didn't make it to the funeral. I was devastated Friday night after we decided not to go, but we knew we made the right decision.  He promised to take me down so I could say my goodbyes later when we had a free weekend.

When I woke up this morning, I could barely open my left eye; it had swollen mostly shut sometime in the night. I got up and tried rinsing it out, but it still hurt and was swollen; since it was conference today I was going to have breakfast with Ty so I went and showed it to him to see if he could see what I did to it. We're still not sure exactly what I did, but he got me some stuff to wash my eye out with, he put some antihistamine drops in it, and I took some Benadryl just to be on the safe side.

Now, because of the Benadryl, I was out like a light for most of the morning. I really tried to watch conference... I made the initial effort, but fell asleep just a couple of minutes into the first speaker's talk. I woke up every little bit and tried to listen and pay attention, but was asleep just as quickly. After a few hours, I woke up to Mr. Hercules making me lunch, and I've been fighting to stay awake ever since.

After conference was over, we drove up the mountain and enjoyed the quiet.
 

I'm so terribly excited, I can't even tell you. This was one of my most loved childhood books...