God talks to my sister through the scriptures and quiet thoughts, or her children. I've usually got my music up so loud, He has to shout through music lyrics to get much through to me. Today the medium is the All-American Rejects' "Move Along."

"Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through...
When everything is wrong, we move along..."

This is a song that is usually played at high volumes as I sail down the road, windows down, volume up, and I wave one arm as I shout along (of course, I do this to "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars, too, so don't read into it that much. It's what I do. It's my thing. My schtick.). Today, I'm sitting at my desk, going over orders and reports (327-ish to go) listening to music (through earphones, for the sake and sanity of my co-workers) and this song comes on. I've got this CD I made of songs that make me happy (think "Chicken Payback" by The Bees--and if you don't know The Bees, shame on you!), and "Move Along" is on it, and I've got it on repeat. Today is the first time the words hit me differently.

Funny how your view can shift in a second. Life has thrown me in a spot I vowed I'd adore if I ever lived this long (SWF, 20s, healthy, loving life), and I'm trying so hard to love it. It's difficult to do it alone, though. It's definitely not easy being a single mid 20s-yr-old Mormon girl, esp. when I feel that I am good enough by myself, I don't need someone else to "complete me" or whatever, but I want that dreamy life of children and being a stay-at-home mom (at least today I'll admit that). I want a companion, I want someone that I can love and be friends with, and share something with. I think I frighten guys by my independence and brilliant mind--in the words of Amy Garder of the West Wing, "I have charm, I have brains, I have legs that go all the way down to the floor, my friend." :) One of my best friends said that I am the "total package" and that scares people away. I'm sorry... if I am (and I am), I'm not going to change that to make someone else feel better. Someday my quirks and best will be alluring to a guy who's ready to climb out of the treehouse fort and play with the girls for awhile instead of running back to hang out with the guys when they start to have feelings for someone.

So, in a bittersweetheart attempt to achieve my dream hair (eg Ann's) I now have a deep brownish mahogany. I kind of dig it. :) I'll have to take a picture. So it's not exactly even that close to Ann's, but I think it looks good. :)

I just finished reading a position paper for a student I'd like to throw my laptop at. I can't give any details, which irritates me, except to say that it took all my restraint as a responder not to make this little man cry. And trust me, I could. So to cool off, we're going to enter the world of TV quotes.

So I'm a big efficianado of several TV shows, including (but not limited to) M*A*S*H*, The West Wing, Lost, Gilmore Girls, Firefly, and NUMB3RS, just to name a few. Knowing this, you can now understand my sense of humor.


"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." -Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H*

"Nobody got hurt at the Boston Tea Party. The only people that got hurt were some fancy boys who didn't have anything to wash down their crumpets with. We jumped out from behind bushes while the British came down the road in their bright red jackets, but never has a war been so courteously declared. It was on parchment with calligraphy and, "Your Highness, we beseech you on this day in Philadelphia to bite me, if you please." -Sam Seaborn, The West Wing

Tawny: Sam, have you heard of Andrew Hawkins?
Sam: No.
Tawny: You funded his performance piece recently which involved him destroying all his belongings outside a Starbucks in Haight Ashbury.
Sam: I've done that a couple of times. I didn't know there was funding available.
-The West Wing

Girl: So girls go on adventures, too?
Lorelai: And they go in heels.
-Gilmore Girls

Luke Danes: Shouldn't we give thanks first?
Jess Mariano: Thanks for what?
Luke Danes: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen.
-Gilmore Girls

Don Eppes: I guess I was inspired by Mr. Heisenberg, just like Charlie here suggested.
Alan Eppes: Heisenberg? What do you mean, the physicist?
Don Eppes: Yeah.
Alan Eppes: Oh. Your brother goes into a dangerous confrontation, with heavily armed felons, and you prepare him with a lecture on the movement of subatomic particles.
-NUMB3RS

Charlie:: Coincidences are a mathematical reality. Statistically unlikely events can and often do occur. Just look at the Genesis of our planet.
Larry:: Well now, I agree that the factors that brought about life on earth were statistically unlikely, but given the vastness of the cosmos, the limitless possibilities for matter and energy... I'm with Einstein on this. There are no accidents.
-NUMB3RS

Larry: You know that term "dark matter" has always perplexed me. It fallaciously implies that the 95% of our universe that cannot be observed is some amorphous, event less, emptiness.
Amita: I'm sorry?
Larry: I guess it's all too human. Instead of admitting to the present limits of our knowledge we just declare things to be unknowable.
-NUMB3RS

Ok, I feel better. Off to bed.

Just came back from opening night of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." Ok, I know it got poor reviews, and I know I am goo-goo for Harrison Ford, but that was a fun movie. :)

Maybe it's my mood, the dreary weather that I love, or the cute guy that I thought was avoiding me who smiled at me in the parking lot as he drove to the gym and I left Little Caesar 's with a box of cheesy bread that I had no intention of sharing--at any extent, something that's been on my mind lately is how much I hate the term "boyfriend." It seem so puerile, so high school.

At this point, you're wondering what this has to do with Indian Jones. It would be this: I went to the movie expecting to be wooed only by the George Lucas/Steven Spielberg combo, Harrison Ford, and Shia LeBeouf (anyone else see the trailer for "Eagle Eye"? My little Even Stephen's boy has grown up!). I didn't want the pressure of going on a date to see Indy. I wanted to sit back and enjoy it without thinking about anyone, without an attachment to anything but the popcorn tub. I wanted to enjoy it with my friends, and all I can say is that it worked.

Don't go into with with expectations other than to be entertained by a slightly older but still awesome Indy--he may be middle-aged, but he can still use that whip! And with Georgy's writing, you can't expect fantastic dialog : just lean back, enjoy the popcorn, and a little Indiana. Expect some old friends, but have fun with the new ones. You've been waiting for 20 years, remember?

I just got back from playing pirate (yes, literally) for a 2nd grade class. It's so great--I get to leave work, dress up like a pirate, teach small children about the history of piracy, and convince them to join my imaginary pirate crew! :) My favorite part of the day was telling a little girl that yes, she could be a pirate. (She was worried that girls can't be pirates. Bah.) You may now address me as Captain Jules.

So thank you to everyone who has been kind to me through my recent emotional upheaval. Especially my mother, who's only reaction to me shouting along to Goo Goo Dolls and 30 Seconds to Mars at the top of my lungs while stomping around the kitchen making pork chops the other night was, "Thanks for making cupcakes for me!"

I went to see "Prince Caspian" for the second time last night. Watching that made me remember why I love fairy tales so much. (Now I need to go see "Iron Man" again to remember why I love comic books so much... (and Robert Downey, Jr.)...)

"To achieve an ordered society, we have to eliminate the root cause of crime - all the people." -Colbert

"I asked [my mother] what she thought I should do for work, now that I'd graduated.

'Follow your bliss,'" she said, quoting Joseph Campbell. I was hoping for something more specific--'Plastics,' for instance. I was worried I couldn't 'follow my bliss' because I couldn't feel my bliss; I couldn't feel anything at all. I wanted to be someplace where emotions were palpable, where the pain outside matched the pain I was feeling inside. I needed balance, equilibrium, or as close to it as I could get. I also wanted to survive, and I thought I could learn from others who had. War seemed like my only option." - Anderson Cooper

I've had Anderson Cooper on my mind lately. If you know me well, this won't surprise you. Now, it could be that he's a Gemini, his birthday being one day before my own and we're just destined for each other, or the more likely story that I fell in love watching him on Channel One.

Aside from obvious reasons (I have as much of a crush on him as I do on Johnny Rzeznik from the Goo Goo Dolls, if that gives you some perspective), most of my preoccupation has been because I just finished his book Dispatches from the Edge: A Memoir of War, Disasters, and Survival. Usually when I fall in love with someone, it's a dead Irish poet or a dead Russian writer, sometimes even an Italian one. I drug out the chapters of Cooper's book for as long as I dared, wanting to savor every word, trying to read only a few pages at the end of the night. If you've ever seen anything he's done, you'll understand how difficult this is. His book is as engrossing as his reports are.

I've had children describe my books as "coloring books" when they've flipped threw them, due to the number of scribblings in the margins and underlinings I have throughout the pages (each book is a different color of pencil). I underline and cross reference books like others do their scriptures. I treated Dispatches no differently. I found myself connecting to Cooper through his despair--he had given a voice to the darkest feelings he pushed back inside himself for so long when they suddenly burst out while traveling through the most dangerous and forsaken areas of the world. "The world has many edges," he says, "and it's very easy to fall off." This is a theme that's consistent throughout the book, through every area of the world he visits. In fact, one of the final thoughts of the book is "The world has many edges, and all of us dangle from them by a very delicate thread. The key is not to let go."

I have felt such discouragement this past week. I sat in tears as I wrote to the president of Belarus, pleading for the release of a US national who was being beaten and deprived of much-needed diabetes and arthritis medicine. Usually I can do these things with as much passion but fewer tears. I have no children to take care of, no boyfriend, no time-consuming church calling anymore, so I feel like now the most important thing I can do is look out for everyone else. But as I stared at the stack of letters about to be mailed, I felt hopeless. I could just see them being opened by an undersecretary and thrown away with the trash. I know it's silly; but if one more letter could save a man's life, I'll write one more letter. If calling a senator I've sworn to do everything in my power to remove from office will get more funding for a humanitarian mission to Darfur, I'll break down and call.

I don't know this man held prisoner in Belarus. I don't know if he did something stupid to get himself in trouble. All I know is that I find myself caring, maybe too much. Some days I think most people don't care enough and I'm trying to make up for it. Maybe that's not fair; maybe it's not that they don't care, they just don't know what to do about it. Let me tell you, I still shake every time I hang up from calling the White House (202-456-1111 is the # for the comment line, and the switchboard # is 202-456-1414) or my senators or congressmen. Sometimes I even cry or get nauseous because I am so afraid. But I know it makes a difference.

If there is one line from Cooper's book that has stuck with me the most, it is this: "Hope is not a plan." Cooper was speaking in reference to the disaster of Katrina, and the horrors that he found in New Orleans. Regardless of the reference, it's true in all aspects of life. I found myself repeating that line over and over in my head during the past few weeks. Hope is not a plan. Thank God there are men smarter than me, more in tune, who are trying to clue us in to The Plan, help us see the bigger picture. Hope is not a plan.

It sickens me to know that there are so many people suffering; I don't care what they did, if they "did" anything, what country they are from. I lie awake at night, picturing small Ugandan children huddled in bus stations and on cement floors, hiding from the LRA. I pretend I am crying there with them, smothered by the heat and weight of hundreds of small bodies. I sing them sad lullabies in my mind, trying to will them comfort and safety. I picture myself rocking Romanian orphans, shushing their cries; standing next to women in refugee camps as they brave the camp border for firewood--in this instance, in my mind, I stand guarding them with an AK-47 (I hate guns, but if I could save the life of one woman, prevent her from being beaten or raped, I would do whatever it took), the anger and solemnity on my face enough to scare off anyone who tried to hurt them.

I still think joining a relief organization. The only thing that has honestly prevented me from buying a ticket to Africa or any other troubled area has been that the worry for me would break my mother's heart. So instead I hold a lonely woman's hand at the care center, send money monthly to international relief organizations who can go where only my heart can go, write letters to anyone I think will listen, even if I know they won't, and call junior staffers until their superiors in Washington offices call me back (that's a funny story I should tell sometime). At the branch, I'm known as "the liberal". The disdain they usually say it with used to bother me, but now I wear the title like a badge. To me, in their mind, it means I will do what they're afraid to do. Maybe that's why I love Anderson Cooper so much--he's been where I cannot go physically, but understands the pain I have felt, the numbness that hurts nearly as bad as the fresh pain.

I am having a great day, and let me tell you why:

1. Fresh tacos at the taco cart this morning (which means I got to sing my "Ode to Tacos" all morning at work until I got to take a break and go get tacos for everyone)

2. "IRONMAN" is coming to a theater near me tonight @ 6:50!

3. I have huckleberry chocolates.

4. I don't remember my nightmares from last night (yipee!)

5. I have flowers on my desk, and I haven't completely killed my bamboo yet

6. I got an early birthday present from my best friend (shoes and earrings!)

7. Bon Jovi's "Always" popped up on my Zune while I was driving home for lunch, which reminded me of that guy in high school who sat across the way from me in art class, and stood on a desk and sang me that song in the middle of class :)

8. I FINALLY have my appetite back!! And when that happens, I can eat like a linebacker :D (Just picture TKO from the Eagles--I just don't look like a linebacker lol)

9. My family rocks. Truly.

10. One of our employees just fired up their 1967 Pontiac Lemans for us--man, that carborator sounds better than a fuel-injected engine! :)

11. I have my most favorite cookies at hand, Mother's Iced Oatmeal. Mmmm boy!

Life is beautiful.

Kind of a fun quiz! The rules are simple:
1. Go to your favorite image search engine (google, flickr, deviantart, etc)
2. Type your answer to each question in the “search” box.
3. Pick an image.
4. Copy and paste the picture into your blog.

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

(I'll take either one of them!!! :D)

6. What is your favorite drink?

7. What is your dream vacation?

8. What is your favorite dessert?

9. What did you want to be when you grew up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. What is one word to describe you?

12. Age at next birthday?

13. Bad habit?