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I've felt restless the past couple of weeks. I can feel change coming, and I am ready for it. I am excited for it. The best part about it, though, is the support I feel from Ty. He's incredibly intuitive, and seems to know what I need before I have a chance to tell him.
Lately, that need has been for a creative outlet. Knowing this, my loving husband bought me a new guitar. It's gorgeous. I almost hugged the UPS delivery man in excitement after he dropped it off. I sat on the floor, my lovely new guitar Esmé cradled in my lap (Earth Child style, of course), and we spent the rest of the afternoon getting to know each other. When Mr. Hercules got home, I had successfully re-learned enough of "Hurt" by Johnny Cash that he could recognize it. It will take a lot of practicing to be able to play well again; my hands aren't used to the strings, or the chord positions anymore. But I am thrilled to be able to start again.
My dear sweet husband also cleaned up Logan's room and put a table in there for my art supplies, so I have somewhere to draw and paint. My easel is in the corner, waiting to be used, and my mugs of pens and pencils and paintbrushes are sitting there patiently, waiting for my muse to return.
Today it has. I read this, and was moved to tears by it. This is my new mantra. This is my next painting. This is my new quest.
For we live in the kingdom of joy.
Do not give your heart to anything else
But to the love of those who are clear joy,
Do not stray into the neighborhood of despair.
For there are hopes: they are real, they exist –
Do not go in the direction of darkness –
I tell you: suns exist.
Suns exist. This is my new duty: to bring out the sun.
Life is too short to sleep on low thread-count sheets. ~Leah Stussy
(Stolen from Jer)
RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets/w.e after the song name.
5. HAVE FUN.
6. Name the note of the song to the last question
How would you describe yourself?
Rain - Patty Griffin
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Los Angeles - Peter Bradley Adams **New album coming out in September! (Ann, you know you're getting a copy!)
How do you feel today?
Home - Kelly Dalton
What is your life's purpose?
Same In Any Language - I Nine
What is your motto?
Saladin - Harry Gregson-Williams
What do your friends think about you?
Back To California - Sugarcult
What do you think of your parents?
Time and a Half - Mogwai
What is 2 + 2?
Hurt - Johnny Cash
What do you think of your best friends?
Maureen Apologizes - BT & Tommy Stinson
What do you think of the person you like?
Extistentialism On Prom Night - Straylight Run
What is your life story?
Far Behind - Candlebox
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm Still Here - Johnny Rzeznik
What do you think when you see the person you like?
Say It All - Sondre Lerche
What will they play at your funeral? I am not kidding... this is what came up! lol
Sheep Go To Heaven - Cake
What is your hobby/interest?
Save It For Later - Five Times August
What's your biggest fear?
We Might Fall - Ryan Star
What is your biggest secret?
Wonderwall - Cat Power
What do you think of your friends? lol... I think it's funny. :)
(When the Bough Breaks) Say When - Fair to Midland
What song best describes you? My most favorite musician. He is absolutely amazing.
Gather Up - Peter Bradley Adams
What song best describes your crush? (well, since I have a little more than a crush on my husband...)
California Baylor - Nancy Wilson
What will you post this as? This is what I lovingly refer to as my "twirling song." I literally just dance around in happy, hippy, twirling circles when I hear this song :)
Chicago - David Berkeley
I had decided to spend this year in a search for beauty.
It's a difficult thing to find, some days. I feel such despair when I look around me, seeing all the things that I should be able to change, and can't. Feeling such a rising within me, knowing there is something strong inside of me that could create change, but afraid to let that person out--I know most of me would want to force people and things to change, and that would deny others free agency, and wouldn't let the changes I want to see happen.
I see around me such a lack. I feel so full--of love, of hope, of knowing. I can't even describe it. We live in the worlds we create for ourselves, and it makes me feel so sad when talk to people and try to feel how they feel, and see that they don't feel that same fullness. The Earth is a place of abundance, a world of enough. I know it sounds ridiculous even typing it; you can't change the channel from one to another without seeing some starving child, war, or devestation. These are the things that break my heart and fill me with sorrow; I know they create the same emotion in other people. But I also believe in a loving Father who created this world knowing exactly what we would need, not only to survive, but to live.
" We are ourselves our own distress, We make ourselves our happiness."
Please don't read this thinking I'm filled with pride in myself; I have so much to work on, so much to do better. But I am so grateful to have today, and tomorrow, and the day after that to keep on going. Surviving. Living. Seeing the beauty in things. Gathering them all up inside of me and keeping them there, safe, and sometimes, being brave enough to share the beauty.
I'm doing my best to create a home for Tyson and myself, one that is a House of Belonging. I keep dreaming of the house we will build; I keep a sketchbook by my bed now so I can draw what I dreamt about. The best thing, though, is the feeling there. The feeling of peace, love, beauty, and belonging. I love feeling that now, and I just want to surround myself with it. It's already more than halfway through the year, and I feel like I haven't done as good of a job at finding beauty. But that's the best part about being human: you can always start over.
I am not good at sitting still.
I can't remember the last time I actually sat in one place for more than 13 seconds unless I was meditating.
So realizing this, you can see how it would be difficult for me to keep my attention on anything for more than 14 seconds.
To keep my said goldfish-span attention on something for a given amount of time, I doodle. I am able to listen to what's going on, often doodling what's being talked about, but at the same time, I keep my 4-year-old wiggles to a minimum.
What I doodled in church this week:
I almost disrupted Fast & Testimony meeting when I tried to contain my giggling and snorted.
I love his guts, too :)
C'mon, you know you've missed them! :) Once again, courtesy of The Onion.
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19
You're beginning to wonder exactly who is in charge of quality control for all those treasure maps.Taurus Apr 20 - May 20
The stars apologize for last week’s prediction of “money problems.” Looks like they forgot the “k” in there.Gemini May 21 - Jun 21
An elite squad of international assassins will target you in an effort to make sure that the secrets behind your famous chili stay secret.Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22
You are in grave danger of losing whatever credibility you had as a psychiatrist, which is strange, as you've been in floor coverings for 17 years.Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22
You will abandon your search for the wisdom of the East when it turns out to be devoid of cool kung-fu moves.Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22
Your future is filled with polluted thoughts and impermissable actions against the Powerful Chinese State. The correct government authorities have already been contacted.Libra Sep 23 - Oct 23
You will fall victim to a dangerous personality disorder that makes you believe that the personal lives of celebrities are interesting and important.
Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 21
A wise man once said, "树倒猢狲散." Such advice will feel especially apt this coming Saturday.Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21
You lucky numbers for this week are: 348, 0.00026894, 5/6ths, and 12.Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your work with disadvantaged and at-risk youth continues this Thursday when you're forced to hand them your wallet.Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18
The celestial river of stars, infinite in its sage counsel and inspiring insight, indicates that this is a good week for work in the workplace.Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20
Remember: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to contact the esteemed Yu Wan Mei Corporation, known for its appetizing fish by-products and affordable prices of purchase, and you feed him for the rest of his life.Links to Love
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