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I know you've missed your horoscopes--you just didn't know what to expect out of your week, right?--so it is with great pleasure I once again become your informational ferry across the astrologically turbulent river of life.

Aries March 21 - April 19

You've never much cared for appearances. Still, you're beginning to wonder why everyone else is wearing a HAZMAT suit.

Taurus April 20 - May 20

Have the stars told you how wonderful you've looked lately? And how great it would be if you could check in on their cats this weekend?

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Strange impulses you can neither describe nor explain impel you to take your life savings, drive to Vegas, and put it all on red.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Banking on its growing popularity, Cancer will launch an all-new astrological spin-off starting this fall. Keep an eye out for Cancer: The College Years in weeks to come!

Leo July 23 - August 22

Catch all the exciting predictions, amazing revelations, and out-of-this-world prophecies in Leo IV: Revenge Of The Zodiac.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

Don't let other people get you down. They have a lot more important things they could be doing right now.

Libra September 23 - October 23

Lately it may seem as if you're losing your mind, but don't worry: There's microwaves for every laughter and plaster wolverine.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21

You'll soon have a hit country music song on your hands, no matter how many times you try to scrub it off.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Be sure to watch your temper, as it's about to do some pretty amazing things in the days to come.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

You'll soon meet your maker, which, according to your model number and serial code, is the Globotech Corporation.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18

The stars indicate financial success, new romantic interests, and complete spiritual fulfillment this week. There, are you happy now?

Pisces February 19 - March 20

Don't let your ego get in the way of important friendships this week. You're better than that. Much, much better than that.

3 Responses so far.

  1. oooh.... looks like i best be watchin my ego this week! uh-oh! lol

  2. kannie says:

    LOL - yeah, I'll have to keep an eye on my temper. It runs quite wild if I let it, and I fear that the election might feed it a bottle of No-Doz with a Red Bull chaser (well, more like a 6-pack, LOL...)

    So... *thinking calm thoughts* :-) And I might just watch a Jane Austen movie tomorrow instead of the election results. :-) Thanks for the heads-up! ;-)


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