I've noticed something interesting the last few days. I've stayed up at my parents' house for a few nights over the last couple weeks, and have been hanging out with my brother.  I spent my day off sorting through some things I had left up there, including some clothes. I tried things on, decided what to give away, and what I wanted to keep. While I tried things on, I looked in the mirror, and couldn't help but smile. I looked good! The last few months, for the first time in my life, I have been truly happy with how and who I am. It's been a great feeling!

I went back to my apartment, happy feeling in hand, and sorted through some things there. I did not feel the same "wow!" reaction from the mirror. In fact, I felt run down, a little cranky, and just plain blah. I didn't think I looked fantastic, or even that good. (One of those "Did I miss 60-B?!" moments)




Two nights ago, I was over at Tyson's watching a hockey game. I had been fighting a migraine all day, and it pretty much ate my face about 6 minutes into the first period of the Rangers vs. Penguins. Being the kind man that he is, Ty let me soak my head in his bathtub for awhile. I sat there in the dark until the water started to get not-so-boiling, and got out. While I was getting dressed, I looked over in the mirror and was once again pleasantly shocked at what I saw. I actually turned around and grinned at myself. I didn't look bad at all!

Since then, I've been thinking about why I felt so good about when I was at my parents' house and at Tyson's, but felt blah at my own apartment. Maybe the lighting, good mirrors?...  I think, honestly, that it's because in those two places, I feel completely loved, adored, and accepted.  I feel like I can be myself, and I feel happier.  My apartment is just somewhere to sleep.  Tyson makes me feel like a princess. When I'm with my family and Tys, I can be my authentic, dorky, silly self, and still feel loved and accepted.

When I'm alone, I still love myself and like who I am. I guess it just doesn't radiate the way it does when I'm around people who love me. Maybe that's the difference.