Rare Books & Fishing Tackle

Chuck Norris facts

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing.

And this one’s for you, Ty:

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Fall; or, "How I Spent My Conference Call Time"

I am so excited about fall. I love jacket weather, having an excuse for big warm socks, skirts and tights, hot chocolate, and crisp mornings. I love watching the leaves change color, and for the first time in years I have someone to share it with, which makes me so content and happy. :) It also makes me want to bake all the time, even if I don't feel like eating it.

I'm ready for rainy days, curled up with a good book and a blanket, with "A Light On A Hill" by Margot and the Nuclear So-and-Sos stuck in my head.

My daily doodle (with "A Light On a Hill" stuck in my head while on a conference call)--I seem to reallly like trees...

10 minutes and I can go home to Ty, who's making me pancakes for dinner. :) I love my man!

Book of the Day: A New Earth by Eckhart Toole
Song playing right now: "A Light On a Hill" by Margot and the Nuclear So-and-Sos (It really was my random song!)

If you knew what was coming, you wouldn't be wasting valuable time reading your horoscope.

Aries March 21 - April 19

Northerly winds will whisper the name of a former love in your ear, ruthlessly mocking you for having had a relationship with someone called "Ooooouuuuussssshhhhhh."

Taurus April 20 - May 20

You'll be swarmed by a rare strain of Americanized killer bees who, unlike their Africanized cousins, just want to hang out and watch TV all day.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

The coming week will be influenced by forces outside your control, namely gravity, linear momentum, and high velocity friction.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Buy yourself some extremely long bed sheets. You'll be making an escape rope out of them very soon.

Leo July 23 - August 22

Your interest in temporal paradoxes ends almost before it begins this week, which considering the subject matter, is strangely fitting.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

You're not the kind of person who constantly goes around saying the sky is falling, making you ill-equipped to cope with the events of this Thursday.

Libra September 23 - October 23

The old adage "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" will feel particularly appropriate this week when you grow increasingly envious of how much grayer your neighbor's cement driveway looks than yours.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21

Your future as a songwriter ends almost before it begins when you find that someone has already compared the depth, power, and beauty of their love to an ocean.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

You've made it your life's mission to find the best crab cakes in Boston. Truly, you're one of America's unsung heroes.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18

If you've ever regretted not pursuing a career in bullfighting, this week may bring an accidental chance to start over.

Pisces February 19 - March 20

Despite the promise of a new car, an all-expense-paid trip to Greece, and a four-piece living room set, you'll once again go for the box with the question mark on it.

Doodling

Work in progress... It's nice to be drawing again. I can only scan in black & white, so you can't see the colors, but it's still a tiny bit cool this way.

The luckiest

I have a good man. Scratch that--I have the BEST man :) This last week I've had a killer migraine, and last night had a big problem again with my heart--nothing new for me, but it was the first time he saw me in that much pain--and Tyson's been there for me every moment he could. I've never had a guy take such good care of me! (And leave me cute sticky notes on my desk :) lol)

He is so kind, and there isn't a day that we've been together that he hasn't made me laugh. I am the luckiest girl alive :)

Sagittarius Avoiding personal questions may be one thing, but throwing down a series of smoke bombs and escaping in the ensuing chaos is just plain rude.

How I spent the last 6 minutes of work....

When you are trying to avoid stapling random people out of frustration, this is a better outlet. Not a great representation, but I only had 6 minutes. I'll do better next time.

Ann's Baby #4:

All I want is Ty and a taco...

I feel very irritated today. I don't want to be at work. I woke up early this morning and enjoyed the stillness--until the cacophony of police sirens and ambulance wails disenchanted that reverie. I should have known it would set the tone of the rest of the day.

I came to work, expecting a good day--it's Friday, payroll day, so it's usually not too bad, just hectic--but to my surprise had a customer banging on the door at 8:01. And wanted somebody signed up. Now. I didn't find myself feeling nice or cheerful, but did my job and got the champion worker they found ready to go. For the first half of the time the employee was here, so was his boss--looming in the corner, staring. Apparently he wasn't aware that I was the Evil Eye staredown champion of 2004. He left after a half hour, and sat in his truck. His diesel truck. With the motor running. It had been running since he got there, before 8:00. He sat out there, letting it run, for a total of an hour and a half. I wanted to smack him with my desk organizer.

Now my co-worker has left to go to the doctor (please let him release her to a full day's work!!!), and my other co-worker is not helping me with payroll, because she is doing an assignment. Convenient. She really is working, but it just leaves everything else for me to do. It gets tiring.

At least it's Friday, right?

Being the office's Project Person gets really old. I wish I could be irresponsible. I think it'd be fun.

EDIT: Maybe I'm just hungry lol

Horoscopes

You know you wanted more... ;)

Taurus April 20 - May 20

Mars in your sun sign indicates that you will go to work, watch televised sports, and enjoy several meals this week.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

You never liked bears, never had any curiosity about bears, and hardly ever think about them, so it's no surprise that there aren't any around when you could really use one.