You know you wanted more... ;)

Taurus April 20 - May 20

Mars in your sun sign indicates that you will go to work, watch televised sports, and enjoy several meals this week.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

You never liked bears, never had any curiosity about bears, and hardly ever think about them, so it's no surprise that there aren't any around when you could really use one.

Aries March 21 - April 19

Years after losing friends and family members to the obsession, you will finally admit that your life-long goal of becoming the Pythagoras of isosceles triangles is not worth the trouble.

I seem to leave out Ann & Kannie a lot, so just for you guys:

Libra September 23 - October 23

You weren't a member, and you never watched them perform, but still, you have no idea what you'll do with yourself now that the Romanian women's gymnastics team has disbanded.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

You knew that hanging out with that fire-eating strongman and sword-swallower would get you in trouble, but you thought it would be related to fire-eating or sword-swallowing, not check-kiting.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

You'll find it hard to live a normal life for the next couple months, during which it will suddenly and inexplicably become fashionable to jump motorcycles over you.

Libra September 23 - October 23

You can never remember if, when meeting new business associates, you're supposed to give your name and shake hands firmly while looking them in the eye, or break their collarbones with the edge of your hand and run away to study woodworking in New Hampshire under an assumed name.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

You'll be wandering the streets, lost in thought, pondering the missing factors in your million-dollar plan, when suddenly it will hit you: the cross-town A63 express bus.